this cracks me up.  World’s longest Nosebluntslide


Real Programmers don’t eat quiche.  They like Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechuan food.

Real Programmers don’t write application programs.  They program right down on the bare metal.  Application programming is for dullards who can’t do systems programming.

Real Programmers don’t write spec’s.  Users should be grateful for whatever they get; they are lucky to get any programs at all.

Real Programmers don’t comment their code.  If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand and harder to modify.

Real Programmers don’t document.  Documentation is for simpletons who can’t read listings or the object code from the dump.

Real Programmers don’t draw flowcharts.  Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate’s form of documentation.  Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much good it did for them.

Real Programmers don’t read manuals.  Reliance on a reference is the hallmark of the novice and the coward.

Real Programmers don’t write in RPG.  RPG is for gum-chewing dimwits who maintain ancient payroll programs.

Real Programmers don’t write in COBOL.  COBOL is for COmmon Business Oriented Laymen who can’t run a business nor a real program.

Real Programmers don’t write in FORTRAN.  FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks.  They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.

Real Programmers don’t write in PL/I.  PL/I is for insecure Programmers who can’t choose between COBOL and FORTRAN.

Real Programmers don’t write in BASIC.  Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.

Real Programmers don’t write in APL unless the whole program can be written on one line.

Real Programmers don’t write in LISP.  Only sissy programs contain more parentheses than actual code.

Real Programmers don’t write in PASCAL, BLISS, ADA or any of those other sissy computer science languages.  Strong typing is a crutch for people with weak memories.

Real Programmers’ programs never work right the first time.  But, if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working order in “only a few” 30-hour debugging sessions.

Real Programmers never work 9 to 5.  If an Real Programmers are around at 9 AM, it’s because they were up all night.

Real Programmers don’t play tennis, or any sport which requires a change of clothes.  Mountain climbing is OK, and Real Programmers wear climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.

Real Programmers disdain structured programming.  Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-trained.  They wear neckties and carefully line up sharp pencils on an otherwise empty desk.

Real Programmers don’t like the Team Programming concept.  Unless, of course, they are the Chief Programmer.

Real Programmers never “write” memos on paper.  They “send” memos via V-MAIL.

Real Programmers have no use for managers.  Managers are a necessary evil.  They exist only to deal with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners and other mental defectives.

Real Programmers scorn floating point arithmetic.  The decimal point was invented for pansy bedwetters who are unable to “think big”.

Real Programmers don’t believe in schedules.  Planners make up schedules.  Managers “firm up” schedules.  Frightened coders strive to meet schedules.  Real Programmers ignore schedules.

Real Programmers like vending-machine popcorn.  Coders pop it in the microwave over.  Real Programmers use the heat given off by the CPU.  They can tell which jobs are running just by listening to the rate of popping.

Real Programmers know every nuance of every instruction and use them all in every Real Program.  Program architects won’t allow Execute instructions to address another Execute as the target instruction.  Real Programmers despise petty restrictions.

Real Programmers don’t bring brown-bag lunches.  If the vending machine sells it, they eat it.  If the vending machine doesn’t sell it, they don’t eat it.  Vending machines don’t sell quiche.

Coffee is for closers.

More Arvada helmet cam footy from Eric Fickes on Vimeo.

Rock n Roll the chip, then a line through the upper portion of the Arvada skatepark.

11 minute hyperlapse processing sketch from Eric Fickes on Vimeo.

This hyperlapse video was originally eleven minutes long. It’s a slow drawing Processing sketch.

Line to feeble grind - Arvada skatepark from Eric Fickes on Vimeo.

Finally got my feeble grinds back tonight at big Arvada skatepark. Here is a quick line to feeble grind.

Craziest flow bowl in a pro skateboard contest ever is in Copenhagen Denmark. Just look at what they are skating. BONKERS

Brad McClain’s Die Hard part is sick

Jordan Hoffart ending with a rail slide banger

Apparently I’m not the only one who has been wanting a mini CNC powered by code. Hi there Piccolo, please send one this way. 

Birdhouse Skateboards skatepark blender.  So good

In Russia, all grinds, board slides, and wall rides must be gnarly!

Sunday at Discovery park from Eric Fickes on Vimeo.

Some foot cam action from Sunday’s session at Discovery skatepark in Wheat Ridge CO. Go go TEAM PAIN